Heard a guy respond to another guy calling him a motherfucker with ‘yeah, but your mom didn’t complain much’, so it got me thinking. What are your best comebacks for the common insults you hear from time to time?
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Your mother was a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries.
Which, IIRC, insinuated that their mother was a snackish breeder and their father was a gin drunk. (Also, that she was past tense?)
She got better
Might go for a walk!
That’s just like… Your opinion man
“Well, I guess you’re no longer invited to my birthday party.”
Said to a random person, it confuses the hell out of them.
“Sorry, I’m not going to have a battle of wits with someone who is clearly unarmed.”
Someone asked if I was dropped as a baby due to my performance difficulties and I responded by saying she’d know it would’ve been worth it if she was ever held.
If someone calls you fat.
Ya I’m fat but I can lose weight. The hell are you going to do with that face.
I’ve heard this one!
Heard of. Heard of.
“No u”
Ultimate uno reverse card.
“I didn’t realise the circus was in town!”
“Were your parents siblings, or was it just a lot of head trauma?”
“I’d tell you to read the room, but we both know reading isn’t your strong suite.”
“What other tricks can you do?”
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“I’ve been called worse by better people”.
Ignoring them. Nothing grinds their gears more.
So?
No one insults me, so these aren’t field tested.
“Oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called and they’re running out of you.”
“I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”
“Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”
“What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
“keep going with that, it’s turning me on”
How to deal with bullies is actually pretty good advice.
“Don’t get smart with me.”
“I’m beginning to doubt that’s even possible.”
Bonus points if you can say this to a cop.
