That’s it

  • Apytele@sh.itjust.works
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    5 months ago
    1. Don’t, for the most part. If it’s any more effort than literally just turning a and saying a single sentence like if you’d have to take more than a step or two or she’s reading/listening to something and you’d have to do something to break her attention, don’t bother. There’s good odds that’s intentional on her part but at the very least it’s annoying. There’s a little bit of flex to these depending on culture, so it’s always worth asking a woman from your own culture.

    2. Don’t compliment the natural state of her body, for a variety of reasons. A haircut or other cosmetic choice is usually fine. Tattoos are fine but bring up another point, avoid complimenting things in the bathing suit zone. It sounds obscure/complicated but consider the example of a tattoo poking out of a shirt collar. We all know it’s on her tit; leave it alone.

    3. Do compliment something she chose, especially if it looks like something they put a lot of effort into choosing like a coordinated outfit, or a well-made cosplay. It can also help to avoid complimenting the shirt and/or skirt (possibly misconstrued to tits and ass) and choose an accessory like a bag, bracelet, or scarf instead. Careful about shoes, feet have become a sort of Western cultural shorthand for “weirdo” (despite the relative banality of that kink once you know what other shit goes on in that scene).

    4. Do compliment something specific about the thing that briefly highlights either something you might have in common, or some kind of knowledge/skill you have (example: “I loved [TV show] but was always more of a [different character] fan” or “the leatherwork on your bag is excellent, you have good taste!” (but you better know your leather!). Don’t make it a question (see below)

    5. Say that like, one sentence, then immediately move away slightly and focus your attention on something else entirely. It gives her breathing room and lets her decide what happens next. Most of the time you’ll still probably still get a fake smile/nod, but this is probably the lowest pressure way to approach a strange woman. You’re better off just getting to know people through volunteering or a hobby group (if you really wanna meet women, join a yoga or dance class, or a knitting or romance novel club).

    • Jarix@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      Your last sentence seems a bit judgemental and insulting since they specifically noted they were asking about giving a compliment when NOT trying to meet women (hit on them). But perhaps im mistaken why you included that(which will be just confusion on my end then)

      Your points put into words things ive done but never really realized it or would have been able to explain.

      I say this because i have complimented tattoos on more than a few occasions and i have rarely noticed an uncomfortable reaction (i judge this by the fact that they talk about the tatoo ive mentioned for longer than i spoke words).

      I am fascinated by what people choose to permanently put on their body. There are often very meaningful reasons for it, but not as rarely as i would have thought it is a very quick spur of the monent decision. Most of the time this happens at a check out/til in a store.

      I will typically just make a comment about the work itself, not about the placement(unless its on a spot ive been told is very painful as many people have such different experiences, “ive been told that is a tender spot for a tattoo” or some such. But its an honest question because i have been told that)

      Common things that prompt me to comment are striking/vibrant colours, im curious how old the tattoo is as some colours are prone to fading badly Or very clean and clear lines, especially when they are delicate or just very thin.

      I have a specific reason or curiosity which prompts me or i dont say something which i think is why i seem to be able to successfully give compliments/comments to strangers in public. But ill also compliment guys in public as well for the same reasons/circumstances and im definately not attempting to hit on or pick up guys(ide be flattered if a guy thought i was hitting on him though)